Reasons why "us" wouldnt work:
1. Were coworkers. Our team would be very affected and so would our performance. Awkward for the other two on our team. Also if it thats awkward one of us would have to leave and i would hate to make any unnecessary changes.
2. He's not a christian. I really don't want to be in a relationship or marriage with someone who doesnt understand my love, committment or dedication to Jesus.
3. He's not of the same race as me. Even though my family is very accepting of the idea of me being with a man whose different, the reality may not be what they want. I usually am accepting of the idea that a man is mixed or different race, but for some reason the reality of it makes me uneasy. Maybe its because there's a whole new culture to take into consideration.
4. He is 15 years older than me. This isnt as scary to me as it is to other women. Im used to my parents 12 years difference, who have been married for 23 years.Also the guys i have gotten involved with before have always been older. And im always attracted to older men -- from celebrities to real life (brad pitt, chris hemsworth, denzel washington,Jamie camil, my history professor). In fact, i know now that my dad wouldn't care if i dated a man his own age as he confirmed to me today. Surprising but nice to know that my dad is only concerned that the man has his own life, and has the resources to take care of me --- age is nothing after that.
Back to the negative: he will age much quicker because he's already middle aged. I still have 15 years before i hit his age. That could be a turn off later on. He also almost always mention me being young or a "college kid" or refers to himself as a old person to me. Whenever were making a joke, for some reason, he always says "why cause im old?" So he already thinks of himself like that, even though ive told him no. I know that the age would be a much bigger problem to him than me.
5. We've already have had two altercations. He's crossed personal boundaries and i havent been exactly nice to him about it afterwards. The situation makes me super careful about what i say to him and how i say it in order to avoid problems.
6. To this day, i can't figure out out why i am even attracted to him. Why is it that he makes my heart beat 10 times faster when he is around me. Why is that i always am looking up or around when i think he's near me. Why. He is not physically attractive at all. His personality isn't anything special. He's smart but nothing that would blow my mind. I don't know why and to be honest, that scares me. If i can't figure out why im attracted to him then i honestly feel like we may not be compatible at all. And if we have no similar interests, hobbies, beliefs, then what would hold us together?
I know for sure that i will not, will not pursue anything. Nothing at all. It is not worth it. I will not risk my job, comfort, relationship with Jesus for anything.
I don't know what is going to happen concerning this, i just know that im leaving in God's hands.
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