no matter what my strange feelings want, i decided that i can't just be cold or ignorant or avoiding him. i don't think i'm being any of those things, but just in case i am saying at least hello or goodbye. it's the minimum i can do.

i won't try to hold his attention, have a conversation, or even have eye contact. i think just a few seconds of saying something will be good enough.

it's always in the back of mind: did he purposely stop talking to me? and i say "he" because i never initiated conversation, and never will (i'm not that type of person). but he always spoke to me and even after the two fiascos, he had no problem speaking to me again.

but i can say now it's been about 2 months since we've had a conversation, and i know this because i remember feeling super awkward around him when it was going to be W.We would be in the same room but i had nothing to say to him so i didn't. in fact, i just didn't look at him, i just minded my own business.

of course now, it's different. i've gone through some highs and lows on this. and i'm still trying to deal with my emotions no matter how irrational they are to be honest.