be in control.

although on the surface level this week has been good i know deep down things have been shaken up. im pushing myself more than ever, and trying not to let any unwanted desires, cravings and emotions  get the best of me. 

on wednesday i saw him and her waiting for each other after an event - and i was surprised. not shocked like when i first thought about them two. but simply suprised because ive seen them together. 

she asked him if he was ready to go and he said yes. 

i wasn't angry or upset. i was happy

 about that. i knew that he had a girlfriend but i wasn't sure who. i'm not 100% sure if its her, but im going to live like she is because i don't want to keep wondering who it is. 

i just want to let him live and let myself be free from all of this unimportant things-- im working on myself. mentally, physically and sprititually.

God has someone for me. i don't know where or how, and im just going to pray.