confused emotions.

now that he's back i just wish i had the power to change my emotions, sometimes. 

it's so hard having this crush, not knowing why, being aware of the fact that this is stupid and not being able to change it. 

i know that he's not right for me. so i take certain steps to keep my feelings from increasing:

i dont talk to him on a daily basis

i dont ask him about his life

i dont bother his close friends 

i dont try to initate conversation

i dont think about "us" 

but because of my uncontrollable emotions and my embarrassing attachment to him, i still react to

him. 

it's extremely pathetic and i don't pretend like i like it or am proud. 

i haven't even revealed this to a single soul - only God.