i havent forgotten about this, im just kinda over myself with this stupid crush. i really am.

trying to lose weight is really hard. 

im trying not to go to a fast food place and eat healthy but its friday and i am starving. 

i only remember that if i go to a fast food place i will not eat well, since last week i stopped and ate little and felt so much better. 

im trying to ignore him to the best of my ability, but i do catch myself paying attention to him. 

when he comes in, when he goes. i just feel so pathetic about it. 

but God knows i am trying so hard to let it go.

i didnt talk to him and i dont feel miserable or upset. good for me.

i have random thoughts about him and i dont like it. especially knowing how pathetic it is for me to feel like that. he has a girlfriend, ive heard repeatedly said "his girl" or "your girl". he is not interested in me at all. he is not attracted to me. he considers me a kid, not even a woman. he already knows that im a difficult person who has no problem being left alone. 

i need to keep telling me myself all those things.

late thoughts.

although im not in bed awake i am having those same emotional thoughts that keep me over thinking and upset and crazy about him. 

i admitted to myself that i care about him. i do. i dont know to what extent but i do. i thought about how i really wanted him to say goodnight to me but in the end i was pretty pathetic and i just needed to go home. 

i did talk to him twice today. but then i understood that he already has posted me as a difficult person (which i am) but its just hard to acknowledge. 

i keep asking myself questions and replaying situations and hoping that ill get some relevation. some stupid ass relevation so i can feel anxious and desperate free. 

im so dissapointed that this whole crush thing hasnt left already. really. how long do i have to deal with this??? 

wouldn't have it any other way.

i have taken notice that he's not the same around me as he was when we first worked together. but, i remember what he's said to me and although i have let it go- i keep it as a reminder that anything can happen. if i let him get to me he could pass the line like he has in the past. people dont change just because. 

he was always joking around with me but now i understand that its better to be nice, polite & distant so that there arent any issues. im so afraid of issues coming up and i dont want that to happen ever again. i guess i thought about this as the new intern was introduced as i was before. 

i will admit i still have feelings for him and every once in a while if i hear something or see something, they will flare up. but i dont want my moods or emotions to dictate anything in my life. 

still like him, still dont know why. i just try to deal with it. i guess now, i just try not to acknowledge them as much as i did before this.