i know i havent posted; the idea is that if i dont write i dont dwell. im getting better at avoiding him, im not staring all the timr and i dont sit next to him during lunch- but i didnt want to change my comfort just to avoid awkwardness. i decided to sit in the same room once in a while and talking to someone makes things easer. i do pay attention when he speaks but i give no conversation. i still have feelibgs for reasons that i cannot figure out. it is saddening; im trying to focus on me more than anything else. its just hard, but bearable. i thank God for constantly letting me know that even if something were to happen-- he is not the man for me. the Holy Spirit is dwelling in me and reminding me to look to Jesus, my true love.